According to Janet Napolitano, You Are a “Right Wing Extremist” If You—

Satire -
A recently unclassified government report warns against the possibility of violence by “right-wing extremists.” According to unnamed sources close to Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, you are a right wing extremist if you–

• Were born in the Deep South !
• Believe that 9/11 was more serious than Watergate  !
• Wear an American flag in your lapel  !
• Knowingly listen to Rush Limbaugh   !
• Speak and write perfect English, but no Spanish  !
• Own more than two Bibles or one Confederate Flag  !
• Believe that Jesus Christ means eternal life
• Support the rule of law and maintenance of law and order
• Want America’s borders secured  !
• Believe that Mexico is a foreign nation and Spanish a foreign language  !
• Thank God that the U.S. won both world wars  !
• Oppose affirmative action, abortion, same-sex marriage, and gun control  !
• Believe that fighting higher taxes is more patriotic than paying them  !
• Prefer “Patriot’s Tea” to Obama Kool-aid  !
• Doubt that Islam is really a “Religion of Peace”  !
• Believe that a baby Jew born to a virgin 2009 years ago saved mankind from sin
• Send out Christmas cards  !
• Attend a Christian church on occasions other than Christmas and Easter.
• Sing the National Anthem with your hand over your heart  !
• Fly Old Glory on Flag Day and Independence Day  !
• Believe that preventing voter fraud is more important than empowering illegal aliens,  felons, and the deceased with the vote  !
• Own a gun and ammunition.  !
• Favor the death penalty for brutal killers, but oppose abortion of innocent fetuses  !
• Miss WF Buckley, Ronald Reagan, and Richard Nixon
• Have read the Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights, and U.S. Constitution more than once  !
• Believe that labor unions should be subjected to anti-trust laws.  !
• Have never committed adultery or had gay sex  !
• Drive a car built by an American car company in America  !
• Dispute the belief that the economic meltdown was worth it in order to open home ownership to more people of color  !
• Believe that the U.S. should spend more money on national defense than on foreign aid  !
• Suspect that Nancy Pelosi is dumber than a pound of recycled botox  !
• Mourn the 50 million fetuses that have been slaughtered since the Roe V. Wade ruling
• Pay a tithe or make a donation to any organized religion
• Are successful and prosperous and flagrantly show it  !
• Have never applied for food stamps or welfare  !
• Read the Wall Street Journal, George Will, Pat Buchanan, and Ann Coulter  !
• Watch FOX News  !
• Dislike Fidel Castro, Hugo Chavez and other communist dictators  !
• Know the words to “God Bless America” by heart  !
• Argue that global warming is little more than hot air circulated by liberals for “green” profit  !
• Want the UN out of America and America out of the UN !

SNIP

I realize this is satire, however just for S & G I put a red exclamation point behind each offense I’m guilty of.  Try it yourself and see how guilty you are of being a dreaded R/W Extremist (Read terrorist for extremist as that is the word they actually mean)  I might also add that any troops returning from any war zone are high on the ‘suspected R/W extremist’ list.